The first image that probably comes to mind when we hear the word extrovert is someone talking their heads off, being the center of attention and surrounded by a lot of people. On the other hand, when we think of an introvert we associate images of a quiet person, with few friends, and even insecure of himself (read here about the myths of being an introvert).
It was the psychologist Carl Jung who classified these two groups based on where they find their source of energy. In short, Jung argued that crowds and interaction with the outside world stimulate extroverts. Introverts need alone time to recharge and are often more reserved in their manners and commitment to others.
So, can you be extroverted and have social anxiety? The answer is yes. Remember that being extroverted is a personality trait, while having social anxiety is a mental illness.
What it feels like to be an extrovert with social anxiety
As we have seen, being extroverted and having social anxiety is compatible, but will they feel the same as an introvert? The reality is that there is an added issue, as an extrovert you need to interact with people to “get energy”, but because of your mind and your negative thoughts you do not see yourself capable.
This can cause a lot of distress if the socially anxious extrovert has a need to be around others but is afraid to do so. People may often think they are introverts, but they may actually be extroverts with social anxiety.
How to know if I’m introvert or extrovert with social anxiety
The easiest way to tell the difference between an introvert and an extrovert with social anxiety is that introverts prefer to be in their own company, while extroverts with social anxiety need social interaction but their anxiety gets in the way.
How to reduce your anxiety if you are an extrovert
NOTE: If you find that social anxiety is getting worse or is significantly interfering with your daily life, consider getting help from a therapist or other mental health professional who specializes in treating social anxiety disorder.
- Identify and replace thoughts
Social anxiety is known to distort your thoughts, often making your inner voice negative and self-defeating. To deal with these mental processes, you must first identify them, and then replace them with an alternative thought that is more real.
For example, imagine that you are talking to someone and suddenly, they look at her watch. A person with social anxiety will immediately think that we are boring them and that they want to leave. But think, how many times have you looked at the clock in a conversation without getting bored? Another effective strategy when you have these types of thoughts is to ask rather than assume.
As you practice identifying your anxious thoughts, it will become easier over time to reframe them into healthier thoughts.
- Focus on progressive socialization
You want to socialize with the outside world, but just thinking about it makes you physically afraid. If you have a desire for social interaction but at the same time fear it, start by being strategic about the social activities you participate in.
In situations of this type, surround yourself with people you trust or meet in a small group with one or two strangers. In this way, you get the socialization you need without the fear of such an intense negative judgment.
- Be aware of what you can control
This is something that the Stoic philosophy that I admire so much puts a lot of impetus into: the key to happiness is recognizing what you can control and what you can’t. What is out of your control then should not take place in your mind.
Yes, I know that sounds easier said than done, but once you learn to apply this in your life, you will stop wasting time on remedying things that you cannot even.
Do you consider yourself an extrovert with social anxiety? Let me know your experience in the comments!! 😎
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