How to end a conversation without being rude

how to end a conversation

If you find yourself not knowing how to end a conversation, welcome to the club. The truth is that whether you are an introvert or not, having a conversation is one of the most complex human activities: we are constantly receiving and sending stimuli, trying to understand the message, tone of voice, emotions and body language. According to a research by Harvard University, the most difficult part of a conversation is ending it.

In this post I will give you some tips and tricks you can use to escape from uncomfortable trivial conversations.

Ending a conversation face to face

It is perhaps the most complicated part, especially if you are a shy person or someone who over-thinks a lot about what you are going to say. The goal is to get out of the conversation without seeming rude.

1.- Indicate what you are going to do next
Simply end your conversation by announcing your next activity. Naturally explain the to-do list about what you are going to do, such as going to wash the car or having to clean the house, and say good-bye nicely. Try not to lie drastically, is the person you are talking too does not know gow to interpret social cues is possible that they end up inviting themselves to go with you (it has happened to me).

2.-Ask for their contact information
It´s a way of communicating that it is nice to talk to them but that they catch you at a bad time. If they are an acquaintance and you already have their contact information, tell him that you will text them on WhatsApp and then explain what you are going to do (as in point 1). For example:

I would love to continue talking to you but I have to _, give me your number and we’ll call.

3.- The inverse strategy
It is about showing concern for the time you are occupying in their day. Take advantage of the next time you have to talk to close the conversation:

Anyways, I don’t want to keep you, I’m pretty sure you are really busy. it was nice seeing you!

4.- Triangulation
This technique is a bit Machiavellian but it has come in handy many times. It’s ideal for when you are at a family reunion and you have been caught in a corner by the aunt who always has something to say, who is interested in you only to tell you how well she is doing with your nephews. You can invite someone else into the conversation, and in a moment of distraction, just walk away. It’s not that cruel either, is it?

For example:

  • She is telling you about the good grades her son has gotten *

How amazing is it! Can you believe it (name of triangulated person)_? Your son has been the one with the best grades in the class!!

With any luck the triangulated person will approach and show interest.

5.- Always use closing terms
Closing terms are words that we use every day to imply that we are going to end a conversation. It will depend a lot on your vocabulary, for example I usually use the following:

-Anyways, it was good seeing you

-I got to go now, send a hug to mother/sister/relative

-It’s been so much fun seeing you, hopefully we can catch up soon.

The issue is that closing routines can divert conversations from their ideal point of conclusion. A participant may start to end the conversation too soon after misreading a signal, such as when someone says “all right” without intending to start a closing routine.

Ending a conversation by phone

By text

We will use the same techniques to close a conversation in person but with some modifications. The bad thing about phone conversations is that your acquaintances have access to you 24 hours a day and sometimes you may not be in the mood to talk for more than half an hour. The good thing is that you don’t have to answer the phone if you don’t want to.

Let them know from the start

If you already know that someone is calling you who is talkative and goes from one topic to another, let them know from the beginning that they catch you at a bad time, and that you can chat for about 10-5 minutes to talk. This way, they can’t be upset when you abruptly end the conversation.

By text

Honestly, social media conversations are the easiest to end, and there are plenty of signs to tell that it’s running out.

Let’s imagine that an old friend from high school texts us to know how we are doing. Once we tell them what’s new, we ask him how he is doing with them (obviously 😂). Once you get to messages like these, it means that the conversation is coming to an end:

Well, I’m so glad everything is going well for you.

I miss you so much, let’s see when we meet.

If they say any phrase of this type, it is an indicator that the objective of the conversation has been fulfilled. You can send an emoji and say that you’ve loved talking to them.

Some things to keep in mind texting

Please, do not be one of those who answer a simple “ok” or “okay”.
  • If you’re meeting someone you’re really interested in but you’re too busy, say so in advance. It is not only a sign of respect but when they are busy they will also let you know.
  • Do not send emojis as a goodbye, you are not a child. Send a text too!
  • Please, do not be one of those who answer a simple “ok” or “okay”.


Its likely that you both want to end the conversation

According to a study carried out by PNAS, conversations most of the times (98%) keep going for more than both parties want.

In two studies of 932 conversations, we asked participants to report when they wanted a conversation to end and to estimate when their partner (who was intimate in Study 1 and a stranger in Study 2) wanted it to end. The results showed that conversations almost never ended when both people wanted them to and rarely ended when even one person wanted them to, and that the average discrepancy between the desired and actual length was about half the length of the conversation.

Research Abstract (pnas.org)

The study found that less than 2% of conversations ended when both partners wanted them to. This number was stable regardless of whether people were talking to a stranger or an acquaintance.

So if you have a hard time ending a conversation you are not alone. The study’s researchers believe these discrepancies are because people tend to hide their true desires, even when they want a conversation to end they go to great lengths in an effort to continue and avoid being rude.

Let me know in the comments what is your favorite way of ending a conversation!


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