How to stop being shy step by step

shy job

Do you get nervous every time you have to speak in public? Do you reject plans for fear of not knowing what to say? Do you dream of overcoming shyness?

Well welcome to the shy club ✌. To those who do not raise their hand in class despite knowing the correct answer. In this post we will see some of the solutions proposed by readers of Quora. I have selected the ones that seemed most curious to me.

Click here to see the original post >>What activity can I do to overcome shyness?

Some will totally encourage you to get out of your comfort zone (such as signing up for a public speaking course or a theater workshop), while others are more complementary and require a change in mentality. The key is to make a combination of all and the ones that best suits your circumstances.

Remember that overcoming shyness is a progressive process, there is no magic pill that you can take to make it disappear.

1.- Sign up for Theater

Sign up for an amateur theater company…Impressive!!!

Quora User
Theater to overcome shyness


It is one of the solutions proposed by one of the users. I was amused when I read it because that’s what my mother did with me and my sisters when we were little. I hated it and my sisters loved it.

It is a good recommendation since in theater you have to overcome your fear of speaking and showing yourself to the public. You will do many improvisation and role-changing exercises. However, realistically I doubt that if you are a shy person who does not like being the center of attention you will take the initiative to sign up for theater (although if you feel capable, do it)

Everything will depend on the degree of shyness you have. If you are one of those who feel “observed” when you enter a new place, or your heart races when someone asks you something, signing up for a theater workshop is probably a very high step for you.

We don’t want to traumatize ourselves. If you were obese and wanted to lose weight, would you start by signing up for a half marathon? It would probably be a mistake, first because your body is not ready and, second, because of how bad it would be, you would not want to exercise again in your life. It would be more advisable to start walking 15 minutes a day.

Well, the same with your shyness. Overcoming it will take more or less time depending on how fit you are.

2.- Reading aloud to overcome shyness

I found this answer very interesting. This reader suggests speaking or reading aloud and some ways you might practice:

Perhaps, at first, shyness will cause you to stutter or slur your speech, but after several Sundays of reading aloud, you will flow like the wind. Your shyness will be gone…. and you will not necessarily become religious, that already depends on you.

Quora user

StoryTime: As a child my father forced me and my sisters to go to mass on Sundays. I remember that how I always admired the people that read at church; I imagined myself having to read and just thinking about it made me nervous. To make matters worse, when I made my first communion, the priest chose me to read part of the Bible (and since I was so shy and reserved, I didn’t have the courage to say no to the priest). Since I knew it would make me nervous, I memorized the text and pretended to read it.

Although I don’t think your shyness will fly away like the wind, I do think it will give you a lot of confidence when speaking in public.

Volunteering for children as a storyteller

I really like this idea as it is a very progressive way to overcome your shyness, starting with children 1-4 yo (who are not going to judge you if you are wrong or nervous).

3.- Positive autosuggestions

Positive self-assessments to overcome shyness


The following proposal talks about positive autosuggestions, or in other words, what you continually tell yourself as part of your mental dialogue.

We create an ideal or desired scenario with a successful ending to a situation, which eliminates the stress of the situation. Constant repetition develops the quality of confidence and security in oneself to function calmly.

Quora User

Definitely how you talk to yourself will change the way you see the world. If you tell yourself that you are a failure, you are useless, you will convince yourself that this is true and you will begin to attract failure in your life (I believe in the law of attraction but now on how is exacly used in The Secret)

Not because you say I’m an extroverted person will you suddenly lose your fear of speaking in public, but you will be predisposed to interact with people. I believe that positive autosuggestions is a good complementary initiative to incorporate with another of the tips to overcome shyness, but you will not achieve much by applying it by itself.

You may be interested: >> Famous people that are introverted and shy

4.- Be more educated to lose shyness

Journals to write down your public speaking goals

Read a lot and on all possible topics; This way you will feel super safe to start conversations knowing that you know it, you will naturally be more confident providing arguments. Same with sports, practice some and you will develop confidence.

Quora user

Yes and no. One of the problems I have is that in private, or 1 on 1, I am able to express all my knowledge on a certain subject, but as soon as we are in a debate with more than 4 people… things change. Suddenly I start to over-analyze what I’m going to say, to feel clumsy with my words no matter how sure I am of my arguments.

What you can do to complement this technique is to practice explaining to someone out loud once you think you have mastered a subject. For example, you read a book on introversion and now think you understand the concept. Explain out loud to yourself (or better, to someone close to your family) what you have learned. It is a good way not only to assimilate knowledge but also to practice your communication skills (understanding something internally is not the same as knowing how to explain it)

5.- Establish Mini-goals

This is my favorite answer. Talk about creating a list of goals to conquer and writing them down in your journal.

The most practical thing is to make a list of the most common things that are difficult for us because of our shyness (…) Then comes the part where you break down your feelings imagining what is the worst that can happen to you if, for example, you do or you carry out the most difficult of all the things you wrote down on the list

It is a technique that I have read in many personal development books: do not look at the goal itself, but divide it into small objectives that allow you to feel that you are progressing every day.

Take your journal and write down:

  • Things that just thinking about makes you feel afraid because of your anxiety.
  • Rank them on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the easiest to do.
  • Next, write in your journal how you are going to perform such an action and where (visualization of the task is very important for this). Don’t forget to put an expiration date for the goal.
  • What is the worst that can happen? For example, for me thinking about a public presentation is something that still makes me nervous to this day. So I think, what is the worst that can happen?:
    • Make an ass of myself
    • That I forgot what I was going to say
    • Stutter
  • Write down how you have felt. Try not to punish yourself too much if it went wrong (remember negative autosuggestions) but also, take it as constructive self-criticism.

6.- Public speaking course

Person presenting in public without being shy


Maybe a course on how to speak in public can help you.

This user suggests that you sign up for a public speaking course. As in the case of signing up for a theater workshop, it will be a radical measure and it will immediately put you out of your control zone.

The good thing about a public speaking course vs. signing up for a theater workshop is the social circle that surrounds you. Often people who sign up for theatre, especially as adults, are already good actors or shameless, so you can feel very left out in terms of your abilities.

However, in a public speaking course you all have the common denominator of wanting to become better presenters even though you are very bad at the moment. You all have the same goal and frequently the teachers were extremely shy people in the past.

7.- Look for a job where you have to talk.

Offer to be a flyer for a business, or, if you have your own, deliver house to house on a block. Also to people on the street, so you can start conversations with them.

Quora user

It is a good idea, especially if you are a young person with a lot of time and without a stable job.

In my case, being a waitress, event hostess, and salesperson for Ikea helped me a lot. In other words, jobs where people skills are required, convincing potential clients and being charismatic. Although my goal at the moment was not to overcome my shyness, the need to have money to pay for my studies made me put my shyness in my pocket every time I went to work. Although ultimately is kind of like a role that you learn how to play, it will give you a lot of ease every time you socialize in your daily life.

You must understand that the process of overcoming your shyness is not going to be easy. You are going to make mistakes, you are going to be in situations where you think “Where the hell have I gotten myself? Earth Swallow me!!”. But it is part of the process. When this happens, be good to yourself and reward yourself for trying instead of beating yourself up for making a fool of yourself.

You may be interested in: >> Full list of jobs for introverts.
What did you think of the advice from the Quora community? If you haven’t already I recommend that you take a look at the threads on introversion and shyness, although sometimes the answers are funny, others are very helpful. Let me know in the comments what you are going to do to overcome shyness.


Related posts

Leave a Reply