I am not only an introvert, I’m a highly sensitive person and I have social anxiety. I don’t like to speak in public. I don’t want all eyes on me. When it gets really bad I forget how to breath. I don’t know how to conjugate verbs and I get my tongue twisted. In other words… I make a fool of myself
But the thing is, it doesn’t always happen. There are times when I do feel comfortable: I can talk non-stop, express my opinions meaningfully and, above all, conjugate verbs 😅…
Still, the fear that this will happen to me haunts me and increases the chances that it will happen again.
Having said this, you will understand why I hate public speaking, oral presentations, oral exams and group interviews, which, by the way… who the hell came up with the idea of a group interview? an extrovert, of course 🙄
The worst thing about group interviews is that the comparison factor is added. I am a very competitive person and although it is a positive trait, at the same time, I am constantly comparing myself to other people. This makes me want to be better at everything I do, but it also lowers my self-esteem. And in a job interview this can be tragic. You need to “sell” yourself in front of others and for this it is important that you do not care what your partner has previously said.
When I drink that inner voice that would make me doubt myself disappears. The paranoia disappears. I stop thinking about what others are thinking of me. That is why I decided to have a few glasses of wine before going to an interview.
⚠DISCLAIMER: Now I tell it as a “funny” anecdote but, in reality, it is not something that I am proud of or that I recommend. Mainly because drinking is not solving the root of your social anxiety and it is creating another issue in your life.
I started drinking in my room and role-playing out loud possible interview questions: what are your weaknesses, what are your strengths, why should we hire you, and all that sort of stuff.
The more I drank, the friendlier and more outgoing I became, but, in the same proportion, clumsier.
As I knew that it was possible that they would make me wait once I got to the place of the interview, I put some more wine in a bottle of water: “just in case the expected effect wears off or I get very nervous”. To hide it, I also put a bag of green tea to make it look like that was what I was drinking and not wine.
I got to the waiting room first. I was quite calm, and sure of myself and with the bottle of “water” in hand. The rest of the candidates began to arrive and take their seats.
Then the paranoia began: could the wine be smelled? Would people wonder why I don’t stop drinking? Would anyone notice that the label says green tea but the inside is red?
Finally the human resources lady arrived and she told us to follow her to one of the rooms. As I got up I notice a few drops of wine on the floor, I hadn’t screwed the bottle lid correctly.
One of the candidates noticed, looked at me and smiled. I still wonder if she had realized what was actually inside my bottle…
To answer at once what you are probably wondering, the interview did not go bad at all.
Drinking did help me participate more, but if I’m honest, I could have done just as well without being drunk, maybe even better, because I wouldn’t have been worried about the smell of wine.
They ended up giving me a customer service position, one of those where you try to convince customers to take one piece of furniture or another, and as you will understand, that is not a job that goes with my personality or trait anxiety. Many times group dynamics are done to see how you behave with others, it is therefore important to show yourself as you are since they will probably assign you a role relative to your strongest factor. In my case, I would have preferred to be a cashier, where I don’t have to be convincing customers to buy a product. But I showed myself as a person who loves to socialize, nothing could be further from the truth.
So far I haven’t drank for any other interviews. First for fear that it will become a habit and I won’t be able to feel safe without alcohol.
Second, because even if I manage to become more extroverted in a job interview, I am not changing my way of being, only camouflaging it. That is to say, it is as if I were deceiving myself to enter within the parameters that I think others are looking for in me.
If you are preparing to go to a group or dynamic interview, check out my post on how to face an interview for shy and introverted people! And you, have you done anything crazy to hide your shyness?
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