Introverts need to be alone, not feel lonely.
Loneliness is very beautiful… when you have someone to tell it to.
Gustavo Adolfo Becquer
Difference in terms: being alone vs loneliness
There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. While the former is a fact and somewhat objective, the latter is a state that lasts over time and depends more on each person.
We are all alone at some point in our days, but that does not mean that we are lonely. Loneliness is subjective. For example, if you are a person who is very dependent on others, it is possible that by spending a weekend alone you will begin to feel lonely.
Although we could say that these two terms are closely linked, at the same time, they are more than independent. A person who is alone for a long period of time is more likely to feel lonely and experience loneliness.
Having said that, on many occasions I have been surrounded by people and still, felt alone. This happens when you have the feeling that nobody cares about you and if you do it, or stop doing it, it does not have any repercussion on the rest of the people.
Introverts and loneliness.
As we already know, introverts like to be alone at least for a few moments during the day. This is how we get our energy back.
But we are not looking for loneliness, in fact, it is something that terrifies many of us. The fact that we sometimes avoid social events and hangouts while the rest of our friends love it, in and of itself, makes us feel weird and not integrated.
For this reason, I believe that as introverts should be mindful with the amount of invitations we decline and plans that we cancel. Although at first we like the idea of spending an afternoon at home with no one to bother us, over time and without even realizing it, we can begin to feel lonely.
We must not forget that human beings are social by nature, that is why we group ourselves in a family, in a group of friends, in a community. So, no matter how introverted you are, you should not forget that part of your happiness depends on feeling loved and accompanied.
Having said that, there are advantages to being alone that you should start to be aware of.
Apart from the feeling of freedom of not having to answer to anyone, or depend on the opinions of others, being alone helps us to know ourselves better. And that is one of the keys to success.
Tips to stop feeling alone.
To start experiencing loneliness, the first thing you have to do is reflect and analyze your life. You need to know where is the root of your suffering.
If you are an introverted person then the task is as simple as starting to accept more social events. Once you start connecting with more people, start carefully filtering the ones you spend your time with. Your time is very precious and even more so being an introvert. Keep in mind that you are naturally tired of having too many social interactions. That is why you should spend time with those people who contribute the most emotionally to you and with whom you enjoy.
The key is to go out more with people who provides value to you, and not be scared to reject invitations from people who don’t mean anything to you ( we sometimes do the other way around).
You can check this article where I give you tips to make friends as an introvert.
Feeling lonely because I´m shy
If you are a shy person, it is time for you to begin to leave your comfort zone. You will not like it, but it is necessary. Step by step.
You need to examine how shy you are. If you become shy when speaking in public, with a group of strangers or even with friends, depending on your degree of shyness, you will require different actions.
If your shyness is extreme (you get nervous talking to lifelong friends or family) you may also have social anxiety and in this case, it is better that you put yourself in the hands of an expert. Think of all the things you would do if you didn’t panic every time someone strikes up a conversation with you.
If you are circumstantially shy, that is, when you talk to certain people who impose on you or with groups of strangers, then you can put into practice some tricks to speak more fluently.
In my case, what has served me the most is planning my social interactions. I analyzed myself and discovered that I am a person who needs to visualize social events before going to them.
Now if my friend invites me to a party, I don’t say yes right away. I first ask a series of questions in order to imagine possible social scenarios. If you identify with the above, then it is recommended that you begin to have phrases already planned in your “pocket”.
In other words, before going to an event, think of a series topics that you will bring up or questions that you can ask to break the ice. Many times that is all we need. However, once in the event try and stop thinking about all the questions/topics you have prepared and let the conversation flow, they will come to you naturally. If you don´t that may cause the typical stutter.
Let me know in the comments if you feel lonely because of your introversion or shyness!⬇️
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