I still remember the first time I felt that feeling of inner emptiness; when you know something is missing but you don’t know what is it or how to get it back. In addition to feeling it, I have “seen” it: a dark gray hole in the chest area, which seems to suck in any reason to feel motivated.
I was in college, a time full of ups and downs due to the stress of wanting to pass everything with a good grade, work weekends, make friends from scratch, and be away from family for the first time. Let’s say I was feeling bitter, how I had visualized university life was not what I was living. My shyness and introversion pushed me to isolate myself from my classmates, and not really have any friends.
Until I met Victor, an exchange student from France. We were the perfect combination: I was introverted, responsible but eager for adventures and he was spontaneous, the typical type who makes friends everywhere despite the fact that he barely spoke Spanish. It’s amazing how much one person can change you and make you see the world differently. But after an exchange year in Madrid, Víctor returned to France and I returned to my isolated and monotonous life.
I remember arriving home after saying goodbye at the airport and immediately feeling like a hole inside me. I didn’t want to do anything, everything reminded me of him.
It’s not that it hurts you physically, but you know that something is not right. In my case, it was a passing feeling, it went away as I got used to living without his presence. Sometimes this feeling can come into your life for no apparent reason and you have to dig a little deeper inside to realize what is causing it.
In this post I would like to analyze the different causes that make us feel empty, what we can do to remedy it and its relationship with introversion.
Why do I feel empty?
Feeling empty can sometimes manifest as a feeling of loneliness, confusion, or a lack of motivation to pursue anything in life. It’s an experience that can have many causes, including changing hormone levels, losing a job, or, as in my case, when a person you spent a lot of time with disappears from your life.
But in addition, there may be more rooted causes such as a childhood in which you were not allowed to be yourself: if you were constantly criticized, silenced or even beaten. In the course of these experiences, your body adapts as a survival mechanism so as not to cause stress and avoid angering those who impose those criticisms.
You have lost touch with yourself
This is linked to the paragraphs above. If you spend time trying to please other people by not causing drama or stress, you are creating a situation of detachment with your inner emotions.
An example of this might be a young adult who grew up in a home where he was not free to express his emotions and where the slightest thing that disobeyed was punished or repressed. This young man has then been programmed not to give his opinion and to conform to the needs of others. He has a disconnect with his own needs and is unaware of them.
Because of this he feels an inner emptiness even though he apparently has everything he needs to be happy: health, a family, job and money.
Unresolved past experiences
Sometimes, feeling melancholy can have to do with a long grieving process that you have not yet overcome. For example, an unresolved painful experience in your childhood or a feeling of abandonment by a family member.
When we don’t speak openly or explore emotions that have been with us for a long time, they can manifest in other ways physically. In this type of situation it is best to seek professional help, a local therapist or even online.
The time you spend on social media
The amount of time you spend on social media could also affect how you feel and could fuel feelings of emptiness.
In many cases, the accounts you follow on social media may represent an unrealistic lifestyle or perfect life or appearance. This could lead you to a state of constant comparison and always feel like something is missing.
You don’t have meaningful relationships
I’m going to get a little dramatic but it’s necessary: if you had a traffic accident and, suddenly, you needed constant special care and being in a wheelchair for a while…
How many friends do you think you would have now after two years?
How many would disappear from your life?
If I’m honest, in my case 2 of the 10 friends I have. The fact is that I am aware that part of the relationships I have are for convenience: we have a good time going to bars or drinking coffee but they are not based on loyalty and unconditional love. It’s sad, but it needs to be recognized.
Analyze your specific case and your social circle, are you surrounded by people who you feel are not listening to you? Do you have superficial relationships and a social circle where people are criticized behind their back? You may feel a frequent feeling of emptiness.
Emotional intimacy, support, active listening, and companionship are all important. When these are missing from your life, feelings of emptiness and loneliness could appear.
Is feeling empty the same as being depressed?
It is not de same, however, depressed people tend to feel empty. Depression is a mental health condition that involves many symptoms including:
- lack of energy and motivation
- persistently feeling sad
- hopelessness
- sleeping too much or too little
- not being able to concentrate
- not being able to enjoy activities or people
- feeling guilty or worthless
However, feeling empty is not always a sign of depression. Remember that the only person who can accurately diagnose your condition is a mental health professional.
How to stop feeling empty
Let’s get to the important stuff. You already know that you feel empty and possibly the reason, but how do we get rid of this feeling?
The different solutions will depend on your own situation. As a general rule, if you have been feeling empty for a long time and you think it has to do with causes from your childhood or the departure of a loved one, you should seek the help of a professional. Make sure you take care of yourself, no one else is going to. The following can help you if you realize you feel empty from time to time and for no apparent reason:
- Try something new
Get out of your comfort zone. Something that characterizes the introverted personality is wanting to protect our inner peace, however, this can often lead us to monotony, to what is safe and to what we already know.
According to neurobiological studies, learning something new has a stimulating effect on emotions, much like the dopamine your body produces when you eat something sweet. Trying something different, moreover, does not have to be associated with something crazy or that requires exposing yourself too much. It can be redesigning your room, trying different lighting, new hobbies like learning a language, starting a blog, or trying new recipes in the kitchen.
- Pamper yourself
I don’t want to sound corny, but it is necessary especially as introverts. At least once a week set aside a few hours to do something that you really like and enjoy, where the priority is you.
In my case, I usually reserve Sundays for this, I try to spend as little time as possible on social networks and I make an effort to carry out activities that I know will benefit me: writing in my diary, going for a run, or drawing. The funny thing is that although they are activities that I like and with which I find myself, at first I have to “force myself to do them”. The reason is that it is easier to end up watching a movie or watching videos on social networks.
- Explore your feelings of emptiness
Keep a notebook or journal where you just write down your feelings and emotions, and examine the following questions:
Have I been judging or comparing myself to others?
What is my inner dialogue?
Am I actively taking care of my physical and health needs?
Have I turned to behaviors or addictions to avoid my feelings?
Am I focusing solely on someone else’s needs?
Do I blame myself or feel guilty for things that are out of my control?
