I have always heard the phrase: “x has a lot of personality” as a synonym for having character, being charismatic or having a strong opinion. But in itself, the phrase is meaningless: personality is not something you can measure on the scale of a lot or a little, and technically…everyone has a personality.
But I understand what they mean.
Not being impressionable, maintaining your traits despite the context. Otherwise, it is possible that throughout your life you have felt that you do not have a defined personality, or that it changes depending on who you meet. You are like water, depending on the context you freeze, evaporate or flow to adapt to your environment.
In this article, therefore, the term “having no personality” will be used as a synonym for being influenced by the presence of others. Even though in reality, we all have a personality, being impressionable in itself is a characteristic of your personality.
Is it bad no to have a personality?
First, I would like to start by saying that there is nothing wrong with being like water, moreover, it is a characteristic that perhaps you should start valuing. You know how to adapt yourself according to the context, and that makes you versatile.
That is something that is recommended in many of the persuasion and personal development books that I have read. From Robert Greene in his book on the 48 Laws of Power to Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The problem comes when you eventually feel like you don’t know who you are. Your identity is linked to the person you are with at all times and of who you are seeking approval. With Mary you may swear and be more open while with Mark you are more reserved and polite. But, what are you really like?
How to discover your real personality
1.- Disconnect from your inner voice
Okay, what do I mean by the inner voice? Well, when you are in shopping, you see an outfit that attracts you at first, but then you imagine yourself in social situations. Your mind starts going into hypothetical situations where people are judging your outfit behind your back, where they critize your style.
“It’s too risky”‘ you tell yourself, as you start looking at another one with which you are more accepted.
A person with a “strong personality” would take the outfit regardless of what others are going to think them. They risk people disagreeing with their choice, they don´t care if they are being the center of attention.
2.- Be more assertive
By this I mean that you impose yourself more, not physically, but through your words. People who have personality are sure of their principles and values, and when someone breaks them they don’t hesitate to let it be known.
This translates into either a conversation where someone constantly interrupts you, raises their voice thinking they’ll be more right that way, or uses more vulgar language to appear more imposing. A person without their own personality may be tempted to imitate this behavior in order to win the argument, but I recommend the opposite: keep your composure and let it be known that you will not tolerate a conversation where your opinion is not heard. You can always get up and go.
3.- Question the arguments
In line with the above, a person with a strong personality does not let a meaningless comment go unnoticed. You don’t need to violently dispute arguments, but when someone says something you have the right information about, don’t be afraid to make it be known.
Yes, use logic. With certain people it’s okay to let go of comments that irritate you, like with your bosses or your in-laws. Applying the mirror technique in these cases can be a great advantage (the mirror technique therefore consists of imitating the gestures and vocabulary of our interlocutor as a means of generating trust)
But, with the rest of the people, dare to get more involved in the conversation. That’s what makes dialogue interesting, and not when everyone agrees.
4.- Know yourself
I consider that it is the first step to have an interesting personality: What do you like to do? What are your principles? What do you offer in a friendship?
These are questions that we do not usually ask ourselves but that you need to know the answers to understand more you. The more you know yourself, what you tolerate and don’t, the easier it will be for you to say no, for example, in situations where you would otherwise fall into a “yes by default.”
5.- Develop your confidence
I’m sure you’re an interesting person, we all are. Your life is full of funny anecdotes and valuable lessons. But when you’re striking up a conversation, a voice tells you that you’re not interesting enough to be heard.
If that happens to you, you may have low self-esteem and insecurity in yourself. The good news is that it can be developed with time and practice. A good way to develop your confidence is to get out of your comfort zone moderately and guarantee small victories.
For example, if you have social anxiety, one way would be to propose to speak to a stranger at the bus stop. It is not such an ambitious goal, but it is putting you out of your comfort zone and after achieving it, you will feel more capable of conquering other bigger goals.
6.- Do more of what you like
It is a good technique to learn more about yourself and ultimately discover more about your personality. When you’re constantly doing things to please others and make people like you, your needs may have taken a backseat. Maybe you liked drawing but stopped because someone suggested it was unappealing, or maybe you’ve always wanted to take a cooking workshop but think it’s not “cool”.
When you start trying new things and becoming interested in them, you are unconsciously developing a richer and more interesting personality.
➡️Frequently asked questions
Is it possible to change personality?
Personality is shaped in part by genetic factors and behaviors learned in your childhood. It is therefore possible to modify it up to a certain limit through modifying your thought patterns.
Why don’t I have a personality?
As we have seen, you do have your own personality, only you are very impressionable. Learn to know yourself and lose the fear of showing yourself as you are. That’s your best personality
How can I have an interesting personality?
It is something quite subjective. What is interesting to me may not be interesting to someone else. But broadly speaking, we can say that you will be interesting the more things you try and can share with your social circle.
That’s all for today’s post, I hope the tips have helped you. Let me know in the comments what kind of personality you’re usually drawn to and if you tend to mimic it ✌️
