When I read this question that a reader sent me, it gave me chills. This blog is about how to make the most of our introversion, know ourselves and be aware of our advantages and limitations. I guess that reading that question reminded me of all of the times my previous self tried to act extroverted hating my introverted nature.
That’s why I was about to reply with all the reasons why you should be proud to be an introvert, but then it came to mind how many times I’ve had to pretend to be an extrovert to take advantage of an opportunity. For example, job interviews, making new friends or forging important connections for my professional future.
Related: When you shouldn’t say your are introverted in a job interview.
In all of those cases I stepped out of my comfort zone, spending my social battery and going to great lengths to appear super social and energetic.
That is why I want to give you these tips but warning you not to ignore your introverted nature. You can fake being outgoing in the short term and for specific situations, but not in all of your social interactions.
What works for me is to imagine that I am a theater actress or myself in a parallel world. It’s a kind of mind game that I create in my head where no one has to find out how introverted and shy I really am 😂.
First things first…
I want to first start by distinguishing briefly introversion from extroversion. Introversion and extroversion are nothing more than dimensions of personality. It is necessary to clarify that personality is complex and most people will not be 100% extroverts or introverts. According to Carl Jung, an extroverted person seeks intense contact with the outside world, while an introvert tends to use his psychic energy to look within.
Extroverts are described as talkative, social, spontaneous in making plans, and eager to be the center of attention (for better or worse).
- Can you force yourself to be extroverted?
You cannot change your personality type. However, you can learn to behave in a more outgoing manner in social situations when it suits you. That is what we are going to focus on today.
- Can an extrovert become an introvert?
Although extroversion is partly genetic, our brains and feelings change as a result of our experiences. Some introverts become more extroverted as they get older, while some extroverts may move in the opposite direction.
- Is introversion genetic?
Introversion is partly genetic, but it also depends on your environment and experiences. Various studies suggest that genetics explains more than half of the difference in introversion within families, possibly due to differences in brain responses to dopamine.
Steps to become more extroverted
1.- Tell personal anecdotes without being asked
Again something that introverts are not used to. You must have the initiative to tell stories and experiences linked to the topic of conversation without anyone having specifically asked you.
Don’t just ask questions. Share your own stories, thoughts and feelings as you would with a close friend. As an introvert, that can feel unnecessary or too private, as we often say to ourselves: “why am I opening up? if they have not asked me, it is that they are not interested “
But in reality you will be surprised what people like to know about you, especially if the anecdotes are linked to the topic of conversation (please, do not start telling things without them being related😂 ) and are funny.
That’s something extroverts often do: take advantage of a story to tell a personal anecdote.
In addition, introverts tend to spend a lot of time in their minds. When we socialize, we analyze too much what we are going to say, to the point that sometimes we stop listening and being present in the conversation. We start having thoughts like “what will they think of me”, “what should I say next?” Or “Is my posture weird?”
Practice moving your attention from your mind to the topic of conversation. This way you will be present in the moment and in the conversation.
2.- Speak loudly, gesticulate a lot
Introverts when we are in a group of people we do not know, we usually do not speak, and when we do, it is low and in 1O conversations.
If you want to seem like an outgoing person, therefore, you have to try to raise your usual tone of voice and gesticulate more. That is, be sure to express with your hands what your words say.
3.- Propose plans
It is one of our weakest factors. We usually let others plan events and if we like and feel like it, we join in at the last minute. If you want to appear outgoing, it’s time you start taking the initiative to organize a party or gathering.
Introverts often don’t host a party in their own home because they don’t like to be the last to arrive and the first to leave. You can help someone you know who is good at organizing parties or simply make it clear from the beginning that after a certain time people must leave (you can have an appointment the next day).
What we introverts sometimes are not aware of is that the less we organize meetings or plans, the less likely it is that we enjoy our time with others. If you don’t like going out to bars but your friends don’t stop getting together to do that, it’s normal that you prefer to stay at home on a Saturday night! Think of a plan that you would like to do with your friends but that you do not do often and propose it.
4.- Introduce yourself to new people
This is a skill that we should all master. The opportunities that I have missed just because I did not know how to start a conversation with someone even though it seemed very interesting to me. Introverts tend to be very passive when it comes to starting new relationships, which is why it is often said that introverts do not make friends, but extroverts adopt them. Obviously, the previous sentence is an exaggeration, but it also has some reality.
A phrase as simple as:
Hi, my name is __, I think we haven’t been introduced yet, how’s everything going?
You will be surprised how willing people are to talk to you at an event. Have conversation topics ready to talk about once you have maintained the introductory phrase.
5.- Create group chats
Another typical extroverted thing to do. They take the initiative to socialize even when they are not present and for this social media is their best ally.
Think about the WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram groups you have… how many have you created? If you are an introvert, probably very few. And it is that we normally delegate this to another person.
Let me know in the comments what you think of these tips, do you already do any? Remember to apply this only to specific situations and not ignore your introverted nature😁
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