Introverts in general have a very special characteristic: we know how to listen. The problem is that some of us do not take advantage of it in out conversations.
I would always be afraid of not knowing what to say and having awkward silences, but why did I have fluid conversations with my family without any problem? I knew what to say at all times, there were no awkward silences, and I was comfortable. However, with people outside my family I would get stuck or I could not think of topics of conversation.
It could be because I would tend to over-analyze the situation too much. While with my closest family and friends I was relaxed and unafraid of what they would say, with my co-workers, neighbors or acquittances I was still in the “I want them to like me” phase.
This led me to repeat two or three times in my head the phrase I was going to say every time I wanted to participate, and of course, it always came out in a different way than I had planned.
I observed everything, except what I should. If my peers didn’t respond to a comment I’d made, I’d think about how silly the comment was, or how little I was participating compared to everyone else, and how everyone noticed.
The truth is that in that sense I am somewhat self-centered. I think that everyone is aware of me, the way I´m standing, my comments… when in reality everyone is involved in the conversation and in the argument they want to sustain.
So if you are an introvert who struggles to keep the conversation going, don´t blame your introversion for it. Instead practice being more present in the conversation. Who cares if you don´t have the expected funny reaction after someone if telling a funny story.
Often introverts like to reflect on what the other person is saying and this can makes us have a delayed interaction with the story someone is telling. To avoid this, we disconnect with our introverted nature and begin to think about what we can say next to make sense. But actually the key to having smooth conversations is to be in the present and listen to what the person is trying to tell us.
Extroverts, on the other hand, have the same problem but the root is different: they can´t wait to give their opinion without having actually listened to what the other person had said.
We should all practice the power of listening more. Introverts can use our ability to reflect to delve deeper into the stories they tell us and enrich the conversation with questions and also with our opinions.
Stop trying to have the perfect answer. If you are really listening to someone, what you will say next will come automatically, without thinking about each word you are going to say.
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