Suffering from social anxiety can lead to isolation in the romantic field. Asking someone for their number, flirting, or simply going to an event full of single people can seem like an impossible task in the mind of a person with social anxiety. This often leads us to believe that we are destined to live a lonely life.
Whenever someone asks me for advice on how to find love if they have social anxiety, I tell them to think about who they should become to attract the type of person they like. For many this means not having social anxiety, they then get frustrated and lower the standards on their ideal partner. Instead of doing this, it is more beneficial for you to look for people with characteristics that will help you combat anxiety and not make it even worse.
Even so, we must keep in mind that it is not the responsibility of a boyfriend or girlfriend to “fix” you or “save you”. In any case, the ideal word would be to support and accept you in your fight against social anxiety.
They are willing to listen
While dialogue about mental health is more open now than ever, many people are still not educated. If your partner really doesn’t know about anxiety disorders, may never have experienced them or been around someone who has them, they should be willing to learn so they can understand you better. It will be much easier for them to feel what you are going through if they can understand the basics (at a minimum) of your disorder. If they are not willing to learn about it, it is a «red flag»🚩🚩 .
You can help him or her by explaining in your own words what your anxiety feels like and how it affects your life. You can also send them some articles about anxiety, as a general guide.
They are understanding
This is probably the most important. You need someone who is empathetic and understanding. They will need to get that every day is not going to be good for you, and know not to take anxiety-related incidents personally. They should also understand that anxiety can have an impact on the relationship, but that you are worth being with.
There are many situations that could arise where your partner might need to be more understanding. For example, when introducing yourself to his family, instead of doing it all at once, maybe do it progressively, one day to a brother, another day the mother, etc.
They are good communicators
While we should all still find someone who is good at communicating their needs and feelings, regardless of mental health status, for people with social anxiety it is essential. Communicating involves both talking and listening, so it’s crucial that your partner does both.
Your anxiety is likely to be a topic of conversation from time to time, and both of you need to communicate as clearly and openly as possible about it to keep the relationship strong and ensure that anxiety doesn’t take over.
They accept you in the now
Although anxiety is not a permanent thing in your life, getting rid of it is likely to take years of therapy and personal development. It is therefore essential that your partner accepts you in the present and not only with the idea of a future in which you are completely free of anxiety.
Even people who have managed to drastically reduce anxiety still experience it occasionally at certain events. People with mental illness can feel especially vulnerable, and they yearn to be accepted. That is why finding a partner who fully accepts who you are, anxiety and all, will make you feel much more secure in the relationship.
While you definitely don’t want to rely on a human being to be your security blanket, it’s nice to have someone who makes you feel safe and comforted when you’re around them. You want to have a person to call when you have an anxiety attack who can tell you a funny story and make you laugh to forget about your anxiety for a minute. You want to have someone who makes you feel safe and loved when you share your deep, dark secrets with them. And if they pressure you to face your fears, they can make you feel more secure by being by your side while you do it.
They are patient
As someone with anxiety, you need to be patient with yourself, whether it’s patience for a panic attack to end, for medication to take effect, or for progress in therapy. Therefore, you need someone to give you the time you need, whether it is when you need some extra time to collect yourself mentally before leaving the house or helping you in situations that are uncomfortable for you.
They can push you just the right amount
One thing you might want to look for in a relationship is someone who can challenge and inspire you to be the best you can be. A partner who progressively pushes you to face their fears and combat anxiety can be very beneficial for you and the relationship, if done the right way.
With that said, you definitely don’t want someone aggressive trying to control you and pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Rather, you should have a partner who listens to your hopes and dreams and inspires you to take steps in the right direction, facing your anxiety head-on instead of constantly camouflaging it.
Do you have a partner right now? Does he know you have social anxiety? I’ll see you in the comments!!⬇️⬇️
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